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Title: Choke
Pairing: Hisagi Shuuhei x Kira Izuru
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: excessive swearing, m/m sex, asphyxiation (this is not fluffy, sweet Shuu/Kira, so beware)
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, I only steal its characters so I can go on perverted conquests via fan fics. Also, all characters involved in sexual situations are fictional and above the legal age of consent in the state of California, regardless of what age these characters may be in the material they are derived from.
A/N: This fic is inspired by two things: a dream I had a couple of nights ago in which I was choking, and a song tilted "Choke" by Hybrid. It's a track that I put on a Hisagi Shuuhei playlist of mine, so I figured that I'd make this fic about him. You can listen to the song here while reading this fic, if you're so inclined. The song has a dream quality to me, so I wanted this fic to have the same air to it. Kind of like a "waking dream" -- what you're experiencing feels real but it really isn't, and vice versa it doesn't feel real when it really is. If that makes any sense, lol.

You choke it but you know
It comes back when you're sleeping
Cuts you in the dark
The city is too bright
I'll stay here with my secrets
Until it fades to dust

Into this storm again
Cold and disconnected
We've opened every door
The city is too bright
I'll stay here with my secrets
Until it fades to dust

I'll stay here with my secrets...

-- "Choke" by Hybrid

Hisagi Shuuhei had learned many things about trust from his old captain. Or, if he didn't exactly learn anything, he discovered what it was to question when he never had before. He discovered what it was to feel uncertainty; insecurity; seclusion...

And maybe those are the things that have him accepting haunted nights with Kira Izuru. He can no longer define the blond -- can no longer categorize him like he may have done prior to Tousen Kaname -- and so he fails to turn Kira away like perhaps he should. The new captain of the Third is an enigma, like everything else has become in Hisagi Shuuhei's life. So he questions. He has doubts, and difficulties deciding just what to feel (and what to do) about Kira Izuru. A part of him wants to put faith in the blond shinigami but knows better; another part of him thinks otherwise, has already put all the faith he has left in Kira alone, and yet another part of him couldn't be sure either way.

He is just as confused and conflicted over the seemingly frail man as he was over his ex-captain, before that one, fateful decision. And whenever he thinks of things that way, it instantly rouses his zanpakutou. He can hear Kazeshini's angry voice hissing in the back of his mind: dumb fucker, you saw where your pussy trust got you before, didn't you? Stabbed in the gut and kicked off a fuckin' building, you stupid-ass bitch. Gonna let that happen again? Gonna let this fucker close enough to kill you like that other bastard almost did? Dammit, pull your head out of your fucking ass and kill him! KILL HIM, you worthlessnogoodsonuva--

And when the spirit's irate voice escalates to such a point that his words are no longer intelligible, Shuuhei gladly redirects his attention; his dark, worn eyes fixed on the flaxen-haired shinigami leaning in his doorway. Kira Izuru, with the front of his black shihakushou loosened to his navel, revealing a large expanse of smooth, pale skin. His frozen eyes are lazy (and looking as tired as Shuuhei feels), while his short, blond brows that are forever furrowed  serve as a contrast to his softly smiling mouth.

Can't pull your head out of your ass because you can't stop wishing it was something else, can you? Stupid fuck, I bet you dream of his dick being that big, don't you? Tch, I might as well dream the same fuckin' thing. I hope it's big enough that you bleed out from your ass after he fucks you open like--

Shuuhei's brows furrow faintly, his fingers tightening around the writing utensil in his hand as he listens to Kazeshini's rabid, enraged mutterings. Sometimes he really believes that the zanpakutou spirit is the keeper of his own personal hell, the thing's endless insults and curses uttered like demonic chants meant to condemn him.

And sometimes he wonders if Kira is another keeper of that same hell, with that punishing sword of an executioner... Visiting Shuuhei sporadically, from the days that their captains first betrayed Soul Society to now: months after the war has ended, months into their turn at being captains. 

"You know I'm the only one who can understand without you saying it out loud, Hisagi-san," Kira states quietly, leaning over Shuuhei's desk with his pale hands flat against the polished surface. Yes, his blue eyes are definitely tired, but still alert, like they always are. In this setting (and beneath this kind of lighting), they take on an almost fevered look, Shuuhei has observed: gleaming and ghostly, disturbed and restless.

And it's on silent nights such as this one, that he himself starts to feel like a phantom, hushed but on edge.

And Kira could be right, might be right, probably is right. Together they have become specters, in their own varying ways; and because it's just them, just the two of them that share some of the same haunting memories, Shuuhei feels that Kira is the only one who can take him in these dark hours. The only one who has any right to, because Shuuhei can't subject any of the others (Abarai, Ukitake-taichou, Ayasegawa-san) to his plight. If he did it'd only make them worry, and he can't stand to have anyone worry over him.


Because he is his own responsibility.

And he also feels that if he let them know, let any of them try to help, that they'd only be poisoned by his troubles. But Kira Izuru is already poisoned -- already infected -- and in a way that makes him immune, and keeps Shuuhei from feeling guilty.

So he just nods simply, then sets his pen down and starts disrobing.

They end up on the hardwood floor, Shuuhei on his back and Kira straddling his waist. The blond has ditched his hakama and fundoshi, but the top of his uniform is hanging off him loosely, along with the white of his haori. The long panel of hair that usually blots the left side of his face is pinned up, because it'd been established a few fucks back that Shuuhei didn't like it when he only saw one eye.

Though, being able to see both birthed its own problems, which is something he hadn't predicted. He knows that it's all in his imagination, but somehow he can't help thinking that he sees a flash of red in that left eye whenever it's uncovered...

But that becomes the farthest thing from his mind when Kira grabs hold of his cock, holding it firmly in place. He stares at Shuuhei with hooded eyes, the expression of his face characteristically empty as he sinks down. His brow puckers and his mouth twists minutely, the only visible signs of his discomfort, along with a brief pause from his slim hips. And then he presses cool hands to Shuuhei's chest, letting his fingers fan over scarred flesh as he pushes all the way down. With the brunet buried deep inside, Kira exhales long and low, and Shuuhei answers him with a ragged, broken sigh. He wets his lips with a quick tongue and turns his gaze towards the ceiling, barely seeing past the heavy curtain that his eyelashes have become. Kira's hands slide down his chest to rest over his quivering abs, and in their wake his overheating skin is left feeling chilled.

Neither of them breath a word or even look at each other when the blond starts moving. His hips jerk back and forth in quick succession, but every thrust is measured, leaving Shuuhei panting harder with each push and pull. He can feel himself throbbing inside the blond's tight, velvet heat -- red-hot, rock-hard, and aching... His feet curl and unfurl tensely, taut legs twitching, his hands grappling at the floor and then, at Kira's legs. Dark eyes give an uncoordinated roll, drunk with his building need to come, until finally they fall on the shinigami rocking in his lap. For a moment he just stares, watches a normally ashen face that is flushed with arousal; listens to short, quiet gasps, and notes eyes that are shut in what looks to be a combination of agony and ecstasy...

Kira's head lolls back and he groans, splaying his hands over Shuuhei's torso and twisting his hips in a rough circle. It wrings a resonant moan from the scarred shinigami, whose hips buck violently in response. Blue eyes open a crack, and Shuuhei stares at a Kira that he's rarely lucky enough to see. As many times as they've fucked since the war first started, he's gotten used to the blond's disquieting gaze during sex. The abnormally clear stare, even in the deepest throes of passion. Always unnerving, but something that Shuuhei had come to tolerate, for whatever reason...

Now, though, Kira's eyes look as dark as Shuuhei knows his must be. Dark, and hazy, and heavy-lidded... Bright with an awareness that the blond shinigami always seemed to posses, but at the same time... hiding something, some obscure emotion that flickers just beyond Shuuhei's comprehension. He wonders if it's a fault of his own (or if it's a fault of Kira's) that he takes the man's hollow eyes in stride, while being wary of even a glimmer of feeling.

But it's really no time for trying to figure it out, especially when Kira's hands slide up to close around Shuuhei's throat. They overlap, two sets of four fingers reaching around to the brunet's nape, while twin thumbs press against each pulse point beneath his jaw. Kira doesn't put much pressure into his hold -- not yet -- but the position of his hands is tight enough on its own. Shuuhei inhales reflexively, a quick intake of breath, his eyes widening a fraction (and his pupils too, probably). His own fingers bite into the blond's pale thighs, and he's sure that Kira will have bruises the shape of fingertips come morning.

"Have you ever thought about what might happen if that choker backfired...?" Kira suddenly murmurs, leaning down slightly, closer to Shuuhei while his grip tightens. "What if... it triggered while you were still wearing it...? I don't think... I don't think it'd be strong enough to kill you, but what if it were...? What if it could separate your head from the rest of you, Hisagi-san...? You... you would like that, wouldn't you...? It would be so sudden... and so unexpected... that you wouldn't even have time to realize what happened... You wouldn't have time to feel the pain, or the... fear."

Shuuhei almost gasps at that whispered word, but it snags on the hands around his throat. The blond shinigami stares at him past hoary lashes as he moves, grinding down with increasing fervor, those slim hips as enthusiastic as the fingers that rob Shuuhei of air.

"No fear..." Kira murmurs again, voice incredibly soft. He leans even closer so their lips brush, pale brows furrowing against a quiet moan that their fucking coaxes. "Not like the fear you'd feel from being torn apart... limb for limb... by a... hollow..."

The last word exhaled on a shaky breath, then followed by a throaty groan. Shuuhei might have sobbed quietly, if it wasn't for the iron grip clasping his neck, pushing on his windpipe and threatening to break the delicate column before he ever truly suffocates. So instead he settles for a strangled, faint, faint, faint grunt, hanging lifelessly from an open mouth. His blown eyes start to roll, his pulse slowing to a dull, listless thump beneath heated flesh -- hips arching helplessly to the other man.

And just when he thinks that he might fall into that waiting shadow for good, he hears a shouted "Hey, Fuck-face!" from the hallway outside the shoji. Before he has time to register it (let alone react) the screen door is thrown open. Dark eyes that are clouded dart in that direction, and Shuuhei is met with the sight of Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez. The ex-Espada doesn't even look at him, just stares at the blond who's riding him roughly, blue eyes wide and brows furrowed. Shuuhei sees the man's lip curl in an angry sneer, and hears a hissed growl before the gigai specialist of the Twelfth Division comes into view. The horned shinigami is standing to the side behind Grimmjow, a cigarette held close to his mouth but not yet breaching his lips, his head turned in their direction. He stares at Kira too, his face expressionless but his black eyes more intense than Shuuhei has seen them in a long, long time...

Akon doesn't say anything, and neither does Grimmjow, but the former doesn't hesitate to push past his blue-haired counterpart. He heads straight for them, and Shuuhei glances at Kira quickly. The blond's rhythm hasn't faltered once, not even as he looks Akon dead in the eye. Then he looks back at the man beneath him, smiles softly, his gaze fogged like mist over a cold lake at night. He gives Shuuhei's throat one more squeeze, before letting go at the same time that he slams his hips back, forcing the tattooed shinigami as deep as he can.

And with the next sharp, wheezing inhale that Shuuhei gasps -- sounding loud and starved to his own ears -- and the blood rushing back to his head, and the feel of Kira clamping down around his cock, damn near choking it... 

The scarred captain finally loses it, his body convulsing, eyes rolling back in their sockets. He sees black that bleeds white, is quickly overrun by that blinding brightness, sound itself dying out and his mouth hanging open on what he knows to be a silent sob. His orgasm crashes into him with back-breaking and mind-numbing force, and in that moment of coming inside Kira (hard enough to hurt), he feels a stab of panic; equates his climax to other things that set a sense of distress deep in his bones...

But the flash of white he saw is swallowed by the black that it briefly dwarfed, and Shuuhei's conscious mind spirals. The last thing he recognizes before he burns out completely is Kazeshini's shrill voice, wailing like a dying, furious animal.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-10 10:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Damn this was...I have no words
*takes shaky breath and tries to remember how to think*

This was brilliant. You captured that dream-like quality beautifully, and Kira was just chilling. And the end? With Grimmjow and Akon appearing? *would not want to be in that room with them--or rather, would kill to be in the room and see what happens*

Great job!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-12 11:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

I finally got around to reading [ profile] foxflares's Brown Leafed Vertigo, so I haven't replied to anything for the past few days...

Anyway I'm glad you liked this, thank you!! :D And can you believe that this was actually Kira being tender, too?

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-13 01:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Tender? REALLY?! (So excited by this! Want to see Kira being NOT tender!)

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-13 08:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
O ya.

That Kira let a little emotion slip through? I was also telling [ profile] drabbleandfluff that in this instance, he was kind of doing what Shuuhei needed...

But I think if Kira really let himself go all out, he would've liked to beat Shuuhei's head against that hardwood floor, haha.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-13 09:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

And aww--poor Kira. So deliciously twisted!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-13 09:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Ahaha! I get carried away with him, don't I?

I've been thinking that this fic will be the start of my 'Shuu Chronicles'.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-13 10:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
No, not at all! I like your Kira very much!

Oh? Nice!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-10 11:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
knf bkcbkgbnjnb


In a word, beautiful. In two, darkly stunning.

AMAZING job with this!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-12 11:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thank you so much!!! I haven't gotten a keyboardsmash in a long time, and they always make me happy, haha XD

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-11 04:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I think I went into this thinking more like breathplay and then realized pretty quickly this is more like seriously frakked up Kira. Also frakked up Shuuhei, although somehow I think his faculties are a bit more intact. I definitely got the dream-quality you mentioned, especially at the end, because I actually wondered if Akon and Grimmjow were really there or not. (My favorite line was the one about Kira's hair and pinning it up because it freaks Shuuhei out to only see one eye.)

It's funny...when it comes to Kira, I never expect a happy ending, but there's something about Shuuhei that makes me want good things for him. (Although it could be argued this was a happy ending for Shuuhei, because Kira didn't kill him.) I don't expect Kira to ever become whole and healed post-Gin, but I kind of hope that Shuuhei post-Tousen does come to some kind of peace eventually.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-12 11:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Oh, hahaa, no! That's why I went ahead with 'asphyxiation' instead of putting 'breathplay' :)

I really liked the hair pinning, too! It just paints a pretty picture in my mind. But it's so good to hear that the dream-quality shone through :D (and yes, they actually were there ;)).

I agree with you there, I get the same feelings from both Kira and Shuuhei. I don't really think of Momo at all so I can't comment there xD But yes, Kira I see having a much harder time getting back to a sense of 'normalcy' as compared to Shuuhei... but I still want a happy ending for both of them, at the end of the day :)

Thank you for commenting!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-13 12:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Oops, I confused your comment with someone else's, so disregard the Momo bit.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-11 07:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I can't believe it took me over an hour to get over this and get my brain cells working again.

This really makes me look at ShuuKira differently, and I do like what I see. But I'm really more in awe of how beautifully you put this together and how seamlessly the sentences just flow on and into each other. I also really like the emotional turmoil that comes with the littlest details, like Kira having to hold his hair up because Shuuhei wants to see both his eyes...only to have it freak him out in ways he can't explain.

I especially like Kira's lines about Shuu's collar, about the quick and sudden death versus death by dismemberment via hollow.

This fic? Hypnotic. You're an amazing writer, Bb! ♥


(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-13 12:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Ahaha! You know I'm still scared of what you think of anything I do with Kira, since I've such a twisted view on him. I don't know why I like him bad, I just do :P

But that said, I'm so, so so glad that you ended up liking this! And all the points that stuck out to you were my own personal favorites, so YAY XD

THANK YOU, BB *wiggles*

And I would give you a happy ending, if only a shipped ShuuKira indefinitely D: But I don't seem to ship Shuuhei with anyone permanently, so... shame on me XD

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-11 07:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
T-T-T-That was.... *___*

I'm finding it so hard to find the words to describe what I thought of this fic. It was simply amazing in every aspect! The writing, the scenario, the characters, the drama, the detail!

My favourite beyond favourite part was around the middle when you explained why Shuuhei entrusted himself to Izuru like that, to be exact "But Kira Izuru is already poisoned -- already infected -- and in a way that makes him immune, and keeps Shuuhei from feeling guilty." <--THIS!! This part captures them so well, it is basically the reason I started shipping this pairing and definitely one of the strong points in my shipping them now; the fact that they were both betrayed the way they were.

Other things I liked include Kazeshini's dialogue (I think you captured him perfectly) the use of "Shuuhei"s name but also "Kira" and don't judge me but the end was just mind blowing!

Brilliant, beyond brilliant job! I would love to see more of your work in the future!! ♥

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-13 12:19 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I actually don't ship ShuuKira, but then again I don't really ship Shuuhei anyone, personally. I enjoy reading him with various people but can't seem to write him anyone myself, at least not on a permanent, monogamous level.

And honestly, for the longest time I didn't like shipping him with Kira because of this; because I felt that they were both to fucked up in their own ways to be of any real use to each other. I still feel that way somewhat, but since writing this fic I can better see how they'd find 'solace' in one another because of their correlating lives.

I'm so glad that you liked this, though!! That particular line seemed to make an impression on more than just you, which is nice. And thank you for thinking that I captured Kazeshini!!

Thanks for reading and commenting, it means a lot to me!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-13 04:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Ooh really? I don't think I would have been able to guess that you didn't ship them, but at the same time I feel like this fic represents your views wonderfully too! Depends on the interpretation?

Thank you for sharing this wonderful piece ^__^

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-13 08:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I take that as a huge compliment! 8D

I didn't mean for this fic to cater to any specific pairing either way, since I don't really ship Shuuhei with any specific character. So it's up in the air, and can definitely be left to interpretation, yes!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-11 08:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Eeee. My Shuuhei is so damn sugary next to this Shuuhei. TT__TT

But, this was wonderful as always, and THANK THE LORD FOR JAEGERJESUS AND AKON. :P

I don't know what it is, but there's just something about Kira that makes me think he's not ok, and may never be ok again, but with Shuuhei and Momo, I really do think they can be ok again. If they don't die :/. It certainly has a dreamlike quality to it though, which is awesome and the relationship between them is so interesting. They just somehow, have fallen together now, even in canon, and I love how you take this further and really get at the dark heart of it. It just seems to plausible. With all credit to your writing skillz of course. ♥

And Kazeshini, he's just so... right for Shuuhei. I miss him. :C

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-13 12:26 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
FFFFFFF don't you worry about that! And my Shuuhei really isn't so hardcore, he's just a little... broken? He just needs some TLC and he'll be right as rain ;)

I get the same feeling from Kira, and I think it might have a lot to do with how he was before the betrayal. Hisagi seemed just fine before Tousen left, but Kira? Even before all the stuff with Gin, Kira seemed a little off to me... or at least different from how he was in the Academy. So I've always had this feeling that Kira was damaged even before the betrayal, and then after that he just continued to fester... I think he has a very long way to go yet in comparison to Shuuhei and (possibly) Momo, because she really seemed to lose it, haha.

I miss Kaze too DD:

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-13 08:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
FFFFFF, Renji was having too much fun wth him in his innebriated state, that's why. :P I think Shuuhei generally, in canon and fic, is a little broken. that's why he needs to find Kensei again stat. Yes, exactly. He just needs some love.

Yeah, Kira was definately not a happy Shinigami camper even before Gin and Aizen flew up into th sky. I think he must have been in on Gin's, and therefore Aizen's, plans at least a little bit. Damn, I wish we saw more of Gin/Kira taichou/fukutaichou interaction, I really do. Because there was something going on there, and I want to know what. I think Shuuhei can definately move on, if not fully recover from what Tousen did to him, and having to be the one to end that. I just really hope Momo can recover, because I want her to. :P A lot of fandom dislikes her, but I dunno, I want her to have a chance to recover from that.

Kira is a puzzel I wanna figure him out. xD

I miss the other zans tooo. ;__;

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-13 08:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
And there's nothing wrong with a sugary Shuuhei! Just so you know, bb ♥ He gets enough torture from most fandom (myself included), so I think it's nice that you let him have fun in your fic ;) Even if he was totally inebriated... and could possibly not have much fun once he finds out, lol XD

I WISH WE DID TOO!! Saw more of Gin/Kira taicho/fukutaicho interaction, that is. Their relationship is really a mystery... and I've become more interested in it since reading this AWESOME Gin/Kira story by [ profile] foxflare. is pimping, here, hehe.

Oh oh oh, the last chapter!!! I feel like the set up for Gin's BETRAYAL OF AIZEN is in the works... and I hope, pray, that it leads to some reunion with Matsumoto and Kira.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-14 05:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
lol, that's very true. He's just an angst magnet, he needs to have some fun sometimes. Oh yeah... he's probably going to be in quite the bad mood when he finds out, but I have this feeling it won't last long. ;)

YES! It really was. You barely even saw them together in an official duty sense at all, or even together in any sense. Ohoho, no I appreciate the pimping, I will have to look into ths story...

Oh yeah. There has been extreme setup for something anyway. I did enjoy Aizen's new 'Rah Rah Ah Ah Ah, Rah Rah Aizen-sam-a-a' Bad Romance cocoon outfit thingy though. I secretly hope that he busts out of it and looks exactly the same as his usual self. "Just as Planned". *evil cackle* Fandom will hate it, but it would amuse me to no end. xDD

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-14 11:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
The story also has Ren/Bya/Ren! Though Renji is significantly younger (by more than ten years) so I don't know how you'll feel about that? He is 17 though, so older than Ichigo!

A lot of people were dissing on Aizen's outfit but I thought it was totally awesome. He looked cool and ominous and badass. Though I didn't connect it to Lady Gaga at all until everyone else started, haha! Maybe because I tend to block her from my mind XP

I secretly hope that he busts out of it and looks exactly the same as his usual self. "Just as Planned".
THIS!! Hilarity.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-15 03:43 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Oh excellent, excellent. :D No, see, the thing is, I'm an extreme hypocrite, 15 is too young but 16+ is ok. ^^;; So, I won't be bothered :P

I think it' pretty awesome too. I didn't really think of it untl everyon was mentioning it eithr, but my Gaga fangirlism/girlcrushing knows no bounds. There is nothing that can't be improved with some Gaga imho. :P

Oh God. How I wish that that happens. xDD

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-15 09:03 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

This pleases me, fufu.

Ahaha, you have a girlcrush on Gaga? Well, well, well ;D I admit her typical choice in lipstick is wonderful. Gotta love the colorful lipstick.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-16 04:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
It pleases me also. I had to draw the line somewhere and 15 was it. :P

Also, random not, 'fufufufu' is the best laughing word evar. xD

Yeah, I think I do a little bit. Or at the very least, sone weird awe/idolization a la Soi Fon. :P I wanna be just like her when I grow up. xD

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-11 10:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Guuuuuuh. Holy crap, that was amazing. I love how you write Shuuhei. He's so perfectly characterised. I also adore dark Kira/Shuuhei, so this was a win and a half. Beautifully written as well, as always. Gorgeous.

*sighs* Poor Shuuhei. You write him brilliantly thought, because I say 'poor Shuuhei' but I don't pity him, you'ce written their relationship in such an intriguing way.

Yeah, I'm being incoherent. You've rendered me speechless. Well done. :p

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-13 12:30 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Oh *blushes* You flatter me, really!! Shuuhei used to be a character I was nervous about writing, just because there are so many good writers for him, but lately I've this certain view of him in my head and I've decided to just run with it and not worry.

SO it makes me really happy knowing that you like my characterization of him :D

Thank you for liking this!! And I fully intend on delivering that sentence prompt, no worries. I just swamped myself the past few days with a story I was reading, and I'm still mulling over different ideas for 'cinnamon'. But I'll try to have it for you by the end of the night ;)

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-13 01:47 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I don't think it can count as flattery if it's all true; it's just honesty. :p You do such a lovely job of him.

No no, thankyou for writing it. xD

Tehe, thankyou. ♥ I wasn't actually harassing you, I promise. :p Though if you do write it, I will be delighted.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-11 10:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
You writ e so damn pretty, baby. Not sure what else to say. You really got what you were going for here, that waking dream kind of feel... I have to ask you this, because I don't get Akon at all--what is it that you get from him? Is there something up with him in fandom I haven't picked up on? (That's not crit, I'm just trying to dig deeper into what you see as being his significance here, I have no feel for how people see him at all.)

Guh. This really was just gorgeous. I mean, I know it's porn, but you've moved well beyond that into something else and I love it.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-13 12:37 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
D'awwwwwww! Psh, thank you so much XD I can use the only blushing icon I have to signify my feelings rite nao.

As for Akon... well, at first I was just intrigued by his character design. Those horns are just so damn cool to me! And the few times that he's been shown in omakes, I've liked his attitude.

In beginning it was just a by chance thing that I wrote him, and now I really enjoy it. It's kind of nice writing a character like him, one you don't really see in the anime or manga, because then it's really limitless. I could have taken him in any direction, really. But I took him in a direction that I hope to be IC and true to his (brief) appearances in Bleach. That and, his personality and attitude are really perfect for Grimmjow -- or so I believe -- and it's fun for me to play with him.

So THAT'S my thing with Akon 8D

But thank you for commenting! And that you think this moved beyond basic porn? Geeze, what a compliment, I'm really flattered, thanks *g*

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-11 01:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I'm sorry I'm late to this party but, exams have been killing me.

Sometimes he really believes that the zanpakuto spirit is the keeper of his own personal hell, the thing's endless insults and curses uttered like demonic chants meant to condemn him.

Also? I... I just LOVE your Kira. (And by love, I mean love to see the sick torture that Akon is about to unleash on his punk ass). And speaking of which. AKON. YES. FUCKING YES.
Edited Date: 2010-05-11 01:34 pm (UTC)

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-12 11:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Ahaha, it's amazing how comments can sneak up on you... I've been busy reading this series for the past few days and I was like 'I'll reply in a little bit..'

And now there's so much to respond to.

Oh yea, takes a lot to get under Akon's skin, but here he was actually annoyed and ready to lay down some hurt on Kira. Grimmjow too, of course.

I think this might actually be the beginning of my 'Shuu Chronicles'... because I already have a sequel to this fic in mind, and it could easily lead into what's going on in DoW, and inevitably, Shuuhei's story.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-12 12:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Asphix and Voyeurism (even if it was accidental) just wow! Two of my favs... hehe.

This was absolutely beautiful.
Loved every second of this read, specifically these: But Kira Izuru is already poisoned -- already infected -- and in a way that makes him immune, and keeps Shuuhei from feeling guilty

and: It would be so sudden... and so unexpected... that you wouldn't even have time to realize what happened... You wouldn't have time to feel the pain, or the... or the... fear.

There is nothing better than to hear these kind of chilling words, and to get a better feel for the two characters Shuuhei and Kira on top of that, two characters that till your Smoke and Mirrors latest chapter I have only heard vague references to, not remembering much of them from earlier on.

And then the unexpected visit with Kira just going on and finishing like there was nothing to it. I can only imagine what the other two were thinking walking into that room.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-13 01:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Haha! So is it ironic if voyeurism actually embarrasses the hell outta me?

I'm so glad you enjoyed this, though! And that it shed some light on Shuuhei and Kira for you :D You are not the only one to like that particular line about Kira being poisoned, and it's good to know that there's nothing better than those kind of chilling words (especially in the middle of bumping uglies, ne?)

They were thinking all kinds of things, most of which were not very sunny...

Thank you commenting! I really appreciate it! ♥

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-12 06:17 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Wow. I really enjoyed this. I put this off yesterday, because I am a PANSY when it comes to dark-fic, and your warnings seemed to indicate that this was going to be dark. But you know what? It wasn't gratuitously dark... just meaningful and... heavy, but not unjustified torture... or anything else my over imaginative mind was thinking. I should have known that, too, since you were the writer, and would have done this justice, but... I am a cream puff. :P sorry.


You've captured two men utterly lost and void... the result of betrayal and loss; the end result of a psyche ravaged by war. I most appreciated the rationale of Shuuhei to accept Kira's... offer... and his reasoning against turning to Renji, Ukitake or Yumi.

--'if he let them know, let any of them try to help, that they'd only be poisoned by his troubles. But Kira Izuru is already poisoned -- already infected -- and in a way that makes him immune, and keeps Shuuhei from feeling guilty.'


Breathplay is kinda a kink of mine, I love it when its done well... and you have certainly written one of the best I've read (the others have been for other fandoms). although perhaps asphyxiation is the better term, since this is a bit... one sided, non-con-ish.

Your description of Shuuhei coming is... GUH. Jaw-droppingly descriptive-- equating the best feeling most people ever experience-- with pain, despair, panic and death. Very gripping!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-13 01:30 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Oh noes! Well I'm so glad that you read it even though you were wary of it at first 8D

I may like to write some 'dark' things, but I'm not into torture fics. I'm not blatant sadism, and the farthest I'll go is consensual slapping, punching, biting... (all things that Grimm and Akon are into, haha). And even here it was consensual. It could be read as otherwise, but it was like... Shuuhei was surprised when those hands came around his throat, but he didn't consider saying 'stop' and Kira knew that he wouldn't -- knew that in way, it's what Shuuhei needed.

Does that make any sense?

And really, I use sex such as this as a vehicle to explore the psyche. This fic really wasn't about being arousing at all (for me, at least) but about getting inside Kira and Shuuhei's heads.

I'm sooooooo happy that you enjoyed it, and that you thought Shuuhei coming was gripping and jaw-droppingly descriptive! That's a huge compliment, thank you!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-15 06:47 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
haha! yeah, I have my moods where I wig out at the most harmless things... I just need a bit of time to psych myself up... or chill out, I guess. :P

I kinda knew you weren't going to be torturing the guy, but you really are so DAMN GOOD at delving into the mental fragilities and general fuck-up-edness of these two gents, that I knew it was going to be powerful and damaging... an exploration of despair. I just need to be in the right mind for it.

Its easier for me to read the rough sex of Grimmy and Akon, because its done in the context of pleasure, while this kind of consensual sex is more for... punishment. So it definitely sticks, and weighs in/on my mind a lot longer.

And it’s good exploration, don’t get me wrong-- Shuuhei is in a bad place right now, the look of abject misery on his face when he released Kaze into Tousen was… heartbreaking! It’s only appropriate that your fic explores ‘where’ he is.

And really, your fic did him justice by delving into something dark between the two fukutaicho that are bound together by betrayal of their captains, by men they worshipped. They do have a unique bond that will either sustain them or destroy them. It would be interesting to see if one could redeem the other, or if the one will simply lead the other into hell. (yeah… I do melodrama like nobody’s business, haha!! )

oh geez, your fics are so awesome! I get giddy when I see them pop up on my flist!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-13 03:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Hot diggity damn. Where do I even begin?

YOUR KIRA IS SO TWISTEDLY SEXY. Gah, just that description of him, all languid and sinister. . . O_O;;; And that alone so simply conveyed how close he is to hitting bottom (no pun intended, hur) -- at least, it did if I read it right. But this is like drunk!Kira without the drunk -- he just doesn't care anymore. When he just stares at Akon at the end and doesn't even miss a beat. . .that was such a gorgeous, tightropey moment, like he could be daring and begging them to intervene at the same time. He actually reminds me a lot of Gin here, on a power(less) trip. There's no face for him to save; there's just him, and all the selfishness and and hopelessness that entails.

Speaking of Gin. . . He knows that it's all in his imagination, but somehow he can't stop thinking that he sees a flash of red in that left eye whenever it's uncovered... Ohmigod. Favorite line. It says SO MUCH. And that Kira tops from the bottom. . .actually that's probably just me superimposing thar. But damn did it push my buttons regardless, haha.

As for Shuuhei. . .you know, I think my favorite thing about Shuuhei here is how accepting he is. He's making the exact same mistakes he did with Tousen (and possibly even Kensei) in the way he allows others to influence him to the detriment of his sense of self. Because he is his own responsibility. -- But he's not taking it, either. Kira's "dirty talk" about Shuuhei's choker was like Shuuhei's observations about Kira's eyes (the red, and this -- He wonders if it's a fault of his own (or if it's a fault of Kira's) that he takes the man's hollow eyes in stride, while being wary of even a glimmer of feeling.), in a way -- how Shuuhei compulsively sets himself up for fall after fall in this weird, numb, murky area between tempting fate and being genuinely suicidal. But his panic at the end seems like it might have been a wake up call (while passing out *g*). I always see Kazeshini as being an agent of Shuuhei's fear, and that they would both feel the same thing at the same time. . .I feel like it bodes well, if in a "bad" way.

Man. I wanna be like OH THIS WAS HAWT, too, because it very much was, but at the same I was so wrapped up marveling at all the subtleties while reading that the sex itself took a bit of a backseat. ;) You definitely captured the dream-like quality you were going for, in both the fuzzy-autopilot-feelings sense and on deeper levels of meaning. This is some ShuuKira I can happily sink my teeth into -- ephemeral, haunted. They understand one another on a truly loathsome level and you make it the blackest kind of beautiful. I love it long time, I really do.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-14 11:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

It took me a couple of days to think up a good response to your AWESOME comment, and even now I've got nothing.

Firstly I've got to say that I've developed quite the love for Kira Izuru. And yes, yes you did read it right 8D He really has reached that point of 'don't give a fuck', and he was basically testing how far he could go -- or how much he could get away with -- when he looked at Akon. It really was a dare, and I hadn't really seen it until you point it out, but he really is like Gin here, isn't he? Issuing the same challenges and pushing people just to see how they'll react...

I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT LIKE THAT. I'm actually in love with the idea of Kira going to 12th and having them alter that left eye so it really is red.

So much THIS to all you said about Shuuhei. He seems to be a whirlwind of confusion to me, all hidden beneath his seemingly composed exterior. And yes to Kazeshini being an agent of fear! I also believe that he's very protective of Shuuhei, no matter how loathsome he may act to the guy outwardly. So here he was really losing it, having to watch/experience the almost-suffocation of his wielder (and everything else that was implied, like the fear of death/hollows.)

Don't worry about thinking it was hawt or not, because when I wrote it I wasn't even thinking about making it sexy, haha. It wasn't so much a smut fic as it was an exploration of their psyche!

Oh, and thank you so much for commenting!! I always love your feedback XD

(no subject)

Date: 2010-05-15 04:00 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Well, he is playing Taichou now, ne? ;) (The thought that he would need to be temporarily placed in the Maggots' Nest actually crossed my mind reading this. . .but I don't know if Akon of all people would recommend something like that. O_o Though maybe he would arrange a "tour of the facilities" to try and scare Kira straight, in a manner of speaking. . .ramble ramble. ANYWAY it's all very thought-provoking and I'm very much looking forward to seeing how you handle all the downward spirals.)

I-I mean. That would be CREEPTASTICALLY AWESOMAZING a very interesting development.

Exaaactly, and espesh to Kazeshini being very protective of Shuuhei. I feel so bad for the guy sometimes. It's like he's the only thing standing between a lemming and a cliff, and his arms are long past the point of tired but his muscles are all locked up and he can't lower them, either. :\

Oh, mission very much accomplished. *g*

Fffff I always love your fic! ^___^ <3


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