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Title: Wallow Louder
Pairing: Hisagi Shuuhei x Ichimaru Gin
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: man on man sex, knife/blood play, what could be disturbing imagery for some people
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, I only steal its characters so I can go on perverted conquests via fan fics. Also, all characters involved in sexual situations are fictional and above the legal age of consent in the state of California, regardless of what age these characters may be in the material they are derived from.
A/N: DEAR GODS. For a fic that was meant to be something fun and easy between chapters for S&M, it turned out to be one of the most frustrating things that I've ever written. I apologize to [ profile] foxflare , who was my beta, because I kept changing things and it must have gotten very, very annoying. I thank her IMMENSELY for her help (with all three versions >>); it wouldn't have been completed if it wasn't for her awesome suggestions and spelling/grammar corrections. THNKU <3 The title is from "Werewolf," and the lyrics from that song as a whole are reflective of what goes on in the fic. I listened to a bunch of different songs while writing this (over a period of... a week? maybe a little longer?), and I've decided to make a little soundtrack for you guys. "Miss Lucifer" saved this fic for me, actually, because I'd been stuck for a few days and was suddenly reinspired when I heard that song. So, I want to thank [ profile] 2metaldog  for introducing me to "Miss Lucifer," because it helped with my writing :) And I listened to it on nonstop repeat for the last couple of days that I wrote and did edits... iTunes says that I've listened to it a total of 271 times. LOL. "Filthy/Gorgeous" doesn't have much to do with this fic, but it's my Hisagi Shuuhei anthem of the moment, so I added it as a bonus track. ENJOY~ 

"Wallow Louder" Soundtrack @ Sendspace

I don't mean to close the door but
For the record, my heart is sore
You blew through me like bullet holes
Left stains on my sheets and stains on my soul
You left me broke down beggin' for change
Had to, catch a ride with a man who's deranged
He had your hands and my father's face
Another western vampire
Different time same place

-- "Werewolf" by CocoRosie

When the enigmatic shopkeeper had hinted at something "hidden" -- as hidden as his eyes beneath the deceitful shadow of his hat when he smirked at you -- you had been skeptical. You'd wanted to think that it was all roguish tongue-in-cheek. But despite what you wanted to believe you went searching anyway, and when you did find him, you were shocked. You didn't know how he was still alive, or how he'd made it so far without Soul Society noticing. You also didn't know how he was able to smile at you after all that had happened. Initially you were angry with yourself for not being able to comprehend any of it, because you'd long since grown tired of not understanding. But then you remembered that no one had ever been able to understand Ichimaru Gin, and why should you, of all people, be the exception?

One thing you did understand, though, was the suggestive shortening of his zanpakutou. The slow, deliberate contraction of razor-sharp metal. You didn't know how he knew, but there was no doubt that he did as he stared at you with eyes closed. He grinned at you playfully -- dangerously -- and fondled the shortened tip of Shinsou with his fingers. Your own hand tightened around the thin rod of a released Kazeshini, and you couldn't help rubbing your thumb along the smooth, obsidian surface. You'd felt your inner world starting to quake, thrumming with reluctant shudders, like the painful and erratic inhales of someone struggling for air.

The routine should have never started after that, but it inevitably did. You hate yourself for it, because it is a betrayal of Soul Society and it makes you no better than him or your late captain. But it is something you need; something you want; something you lust after to the detriment of your soul. Something about Ichimaru is hauntingly fascinating, and his cryptic nature keeps you from looking away. It's like watching a starving raptor hunting in the dead of night, through the obscure shadows cast by the moon between the trees of a decaying forest. It is captivating, and stimulating, and -- above all else -- terrifying.

Maybe if his hair didn't look so silver beneath the lonely light of the moon, or if he didn't always shorten Shinsou knowingly before dragging the blade over your arm in a teasing caress... It drives you crazy that he knows; drives you crazy with embarrassment, agony, and painful curiosity. How does he know? How does he know that you've been to that warehouse, which stands like the ruined fortress of a lost age, of something long forgotten (which, in a sense, is exactly what it is)?

How does he know that you've stared at that knife-like zanpakutou as it spun around a broad finger? How does he know that you've imagined the sting of that small blade as it bites into your flesh, at the same time that you envision carving into that silver-haired relic with Kazeshini?

You don't know how he knows, and when he's digging Shinsou's blade across your chest (making you writhe and whine), you no longer bother with trying to figure it out. You simply arch your back and ask for more with a wordless moan. You simply watch as he grins at you in the dark, and runs his knife-like zanpakutou downwards, along the quivering cleft between your taut abs, all the way to your navel. Blood expels and collects in the dip of your stomach, pools there hotly, and Ichimaru leans down to lap it up. He covers your navel with his surprisingly full lips, and sucks up the blood with a loud slurping sound.    

You haven't been harder in a long time, and you haven't groaned so wantonly, either. You close your eyes and open your legs to welcome the heat of his mouth while his hands lay cold and bony against your waist. At first you remain shut-eyed and lie there willingly, focusing all of your attention on the feel of his suckling mouth around your cock. You cradle him there with trembling legs, reach down to run your fingers through the raw silk softness of his hair; keep your hand there to hold him down while your impending orgasm builds. 

And when you finally chance a glimpse of him -- study the way his head bobs in your lap -- you realize that the red of his lips around your cock (stained with your blood) is far more arousing than fantasizing about the brightly rouged lips of a brothel whore, on nights that you share dissolute, drunken stories with your fellow shinigami.

That is the final push that sends you over the edge, and he drinks you down while squeezing your cock for more, milking you with his parchment-pale, winter-chilled hand. Once you've recovered, it's your turn, and you wish you could be as languid as he'd been. Instead your cuts to his body are fast, almost brutal in the face of the anger that is bubbling inside of you; the anger that you've held onto for more than a century. All the savage thoughts and the bitter words that you've yet to say aloud are echoing with deafening clarity.

He wasn't there. I know why, I know why, but even now He. Still. Isn't. There.

You can feel it rising up like bile, burning you from the inside out. You are eroding and even the tears behind your eyes feel like acid. You slice into the man beneath you spitefully, paying special attention to the sensitive skin at the backs of his legs with one of Kazeshini's sickles. You can imagine that dark-skinned spirit lying prone in your inner world as you do this, clawing at its own burnt flesh with one hand while it jerks off with the other. You can imagine the thing's shrill keens as it smears blood over its body, and you can see that its blue eyes are wide open, staring vapidly at a black sky that pours hot, thick, caustic rain.

You are ashamed, aroused, and sick to your stomach, but even though you feel sick, you don't want it to stop. Ichimaru doesn't seem to want you to stop, either, despite the wetness at the corner of his eyes. He breathes shallowly and helps you to get his thin legs around your neck, and his smile looks openly cracked as silent tears leak into his ears. You feel the hot blood from the cuts on his legs against your shoulders, and he lets his head fall back while mouthing something torpidly; something that looks very much like your name, but isn't.

You ignore it, choosing to screw your eyes shut as you sheathe yourself in one blindingly fast movement. 

Your thrusts are just as brutal as your cutting. You hold onto his bony hips with sweaty hands, and your back and shoulders are slick with his blood. It makes things slippery, and Ichimaru hooks his ankles together behind your head so his legs won't slip. You find better purchase with the front of his thighs, your fingers biting into undamaged skin that you'd spared earlier. You drive into him wildly and you know that you're making him bleed there, too, but you tell yourself it's fine. The two of you have done this before, and it's fine. You keep going desperately, harder, harder and harder. You imagine forcing yourself so far that when you come it's inside of his skull. You imagine letting all of your darkest secrets soak into the mind of someone who (you hope) will never tell.

"Che, Shuu-chan, not s'rough. You're gonna break somethin' in both of us."

His words are lazy and breathless, and his eyes are open just a crack to watch you. He's grinning wide and happy, but in spite of that, you find yourself halting abruptly. You know that he's teasing you-- or, maybe, you don't know, and that's what gives you pause. There is playfulness to whatever Ichimaru says -- whenever, wherever, or however -- and because of that, there's no way of telling whether he's joking or being serious. And just the possibility that he could be serious is enough to short-circuit the mode you'd set yourself to. You wish he hadn't said anything at all, because when he does it wakes you up to the fact that you are truly disgusted with yourself for letting things get to this point.

But he doesn't really give you the time to wallow in the revival of your revulsion. He purses his lips together, and the look of them with their edges curled is mocking. The squint of his eyes is mocking too, especially when he reaches up to gather the silvery wisps of his hair between skeletal fingers. He pinches the long strands together above his forehead, then drags his hand down slowly, pulling the fringe into a sharp point that lands between his eyebrows.

And then he offers you a truly psychotic grin. A grin that is different from all the rest -- a grin that is not his. You shudder to the very core of your being and release your breath in a rush, eyes still burning with the prick of dry tears. You forget about being sickened and instead feel the sting of the countless other emotions you are harboring. The fury, the want for retribution, the longing. You gather them together in a whirlwind -- into a tornado of grays and black -- and you use that vicious power to drive yourself to completion.

You grip Ichimaru's cock in your hand and work it roughly, while gritting your teeth and pounding into him with renewed vehemence. 

Later, you watch him from the corner of your eye as you wipe yourself down. He's sprawled on his back and his legs are still open, the backs of them sticking to the messy sheets. He complains in a sleepy, contented slur about the caking blood, his lips drawn in such a sluggish way that you can clearly see the deeply set creases that hug the corners of his mouth. You keep your gaze on him as you pull on your shihakushou, and he suddenly rolls over with a lightning fast agility, so that he's lying on his stomach. He props himself on bony elbows, his head hanging between angular shoulders. You try not to stare at the violent streaks of red that run the length of his lanky legs, but they attract your attention anyway. You feel a pang of guilt and nausea, and you're considering cleaning him up too when, abruptly, his head whips around. He squints at you hard over his shoulder, before grinning slow and wide.

"What's takin' so long, Shuu-chan?" Ichimaru croons, his voice somehow managing to raise an octave and dip in pitch at the same time. You think that it's meant to be a blithe, unpretentious probe, but the curve of his mouth and the pinched look of his eyes are impishly sinister. "Usually you're gone lickety split, an' without so much as a kiss goodbye~"

The corner of your mouth gives a minute twitch, like it wants to frown but you won't allow it. You continue to stare at the other man as you slowly tie the white sash at your waist, before putting your arms through the sleeveless holes of your captain's haori. You shrug the white material onto your shoulders, and think to yourself quietly about Ichimaru's question. Yes, normally you are gone "lickety split." It makes you feel even dirtier than the act itself, to flee from the scene so quickly, but you can never stand to stay in rooms that smell of drying blood; can't stand to look at pale skin bathed in the color of death. You close your eyes against the thought and clench your jaw, running your hand through your hair slowly and resisting the urge to touch your fingertips to the three scars on your face.

For weeks you've been seeking the silver-haired exile to indulge in the dark reality of your sinister desires (the things that you've kept buried for far too long), because you were scared of what would happen if you didn't indulge them, somehow. You'd thrown yourself into this twisted relationship to quell the ache; to sate the thirst; to keep the thoughts at bay, at least for a little while. But you refused to stay in that dark reality for too long, and once you appeased the hunger (for the time being) with one of your bloody rendezvous, you'd return to Soul Society. You'd go back like you'd done absolutely nothing wrong in the Living World, and you would hope that when the others looked at you, they weren't seeing straight through you to what you really are -- to what you'd really done. When they smiled, you would smile back (reluctantly); when they laughed, you would laugh with them (dryly); and when they offered you a drink, you would accept it (too eagerly). At times when you found yourself unable to avoid their questions, you would answer them with an altered version of the truth, and then you'd lock yourself away in your office, to finish what paperwork you may have missed while you were away. You'd try to smother the guilt, the sickness, the very idea of it all. You could never pretend that it hadn't happened, but you could at least tell yourself that it wouldn't happen again. You could tell yourself that being back in Soul Society was the start of something new.

And it almost worked, because you'd had the raven-haired captain of the Sixth Division, who (inadvertently) encouraged those determined (but despairing) attempts. In all your years before the war, you hadn't had much to do with Kuchiki Byakuya, but your promotion changed that. You started talking to him out of simple necessity, to discuss things that had to do with your shared captaincy, and steadily that bond evolved beyond that of basic, military protocol. When his visits came later than was customary, you'd felt the beginnings of a shift. And when he started asking you things that didn't have to do with work, no matter how cold and detached his tone and expression remained, you'd felt the plates of that world shift even farther.

Soon you were following him when he'd leave your office; when night had fallen, and when the ink from your pen was drying on white parchment like the stain of blood on dead, ashen flesh. You'd follow the Kuchiki heir into rooms meant for secrets (like every other room in your life, you were realizing), and you'd tangle yourself in his fine, silken sheets. You would strip him naked and try to want the purity of his nobleness, over the filth of a ghost that haunted you mercilessly. You would have him fuck the perverse depravity of your base desires into black oblivion. But, no matter how many times you'd go to his bed, it wouldn't work. If Kuchiki-taichou had really been able to fuck everything into oblivion (or, if you had been able to let him), then you wouldn't be here. You wouldn't have Ichimaru Gin sprawled beside you on a soiled mattress, with the evidence of your unresolved hatred shrouding him like the violent execution of a hollow.

Now, you wish that you could go back to Soul Society. You wish that you could find the fair-skinned, slate-eyed captain of the Sixth; that you could throw yourself against a wall for him, and fuck it all away with his cool, powerful, but oddly tender touch. Another time, please, you think to yourself. More, Taichou... As long as you keep taking, I'll keep trying. I'll keep trying to want it more than what I want from the Living World.

You can't go back this time, though. You are stuck here on a mission that the captain-commander appointed to you personally, and you can't go back until you've completed it. And maybe that's the reason that you're taking your time; maybe that's the reason you aren't already gone, back in Soul Society, at a desk, waiting for something to distract you. Duty has stranded you here, so close to the very heart of all your problems, and it's driving you under. It's churning the rancor inside you faster, and faster, and faster. It's starting to seep through to the surface, oozing from the pores of your flesh, coating your eyes with a sour film. It's driving you under, into dark rooms that seem to exist at the bottom of the Earth, where monsters lurk in every shadow, waiting to make you shudder and gasp and sob.

"Don't you know that the world's got curfews for young'uns like you, Shuu-chan?" 

You jerk reflexively, eyes gone wide and your heart slamming against your chest with a dull thump. Ichimaru's mouth is next to your ear, and you can feel the cold of his body, sending your own heat plunging like a nosedive into icy waters. He is sitting directly behind you, with his naked legs on either side of your hips, and his arms sliding around your neck like a noose. "It's after the sun goes down that the monsters come lookin', " he continues, grinning against the shell of your ear, "and if we didn't tuck you rug rats into your beds all snug an' cozy like, they'd snack on your innocent little heads like konpeitou."

A heartbeat, then two, then three. You remain silent as you calm yourself, the surprise of his sudden approach subsiding so that you may relax (but by no means become negligent). You glance down to see his hands, spot one curled into a claw against your chest, while the other teases the edge of the choker around your throat with the sharp point of Shinsou.

"This 'rug rat' hasn't been tucked in for a long time," you murmur, dark eyes turning slowly to follow the line of his left arm as it curls around you. Your fingers give a twitch, aching for the hilt of Kazeshini. The spirit's vindictive presence was lurking on the outskirts of your inner world, but now you feel it springing from the shadows with an agitated snarl. "And the monsters must have snacked on my konpeitou already; otherwise I wouldn't be here with you."

Your tone is neutral, but there is enough edge to your voice to suggest that your words could be an insult. One thing that you've learned while being with Ichimaru Gin, is that you must be as double-edged as he is, or you won't have a chance at fighting (let alone surviving) his clandestine ways. It seems to have worked, because the other man is incredibly still behind you, and incredibly quiet. You give him a moment before you turn your head slightly, so you can glance at him over your shoulder. He stares at you with his eyes closed, and his smile still wide. He would appear to be cheerful if it wasn't for the rigid, frozen look of his face. And then, his eyes start to open. You imagine the sound of rusted door hinges after years of disuse, groaning stiffly under the strain. Dark, murky red greets you between whitened lashes, their wounded depths seeming to bleed like the rest of him when you had cut into his flesh earlier. He stares at you like that, his grin still frozen, eyes barely open but open just enough to chill you with their uncanny, saturated scrutiny. As you stare back at him unblinkingly, you start to think that the look of his eyes is eerily similar to that of scabs which are picked raw. You think that his eyelids are the skin that grows over an injury to heal it, and whenever Ichimaru Gin opens his eyes, he's peeling that curative flesh away to let the wound bleed anew.

"You're right, Shuu-chan," he drawls after a long minute, the stiff edges of his mouth softening, so that his smile falters for a beat before springing back, like the jerk and flutter of an insect's wing. Slowly his eyes start to drift downwards, focusing somewhere near your shoulders. You realize that he's staring at the ends of your hair, and something in his gaze sparks. It ignites, and a new layer of the scab seems to have burned away. It looks like the dull hue of dried blood has crumbled, so that a new, brighter surge of red can emerge, and his full lips continue to curl, and curl, like the smoke of a cigarette that refuses to burn out. "You crept into this boogieman's den a long time ago, and now you're too deep down in the dark to find your way back out, ain'chya?" 

The other man's bloodied eyes dart to meet yours, and suddenly Ichimaru grabs a fistful of your hair in his hand. He yanks on it none too gently, and you grit your teeth against the stab of pain to your scalp while he rubs the dark, sable strands between his fingers. "I think I like your hair this long, Shuu-chan. It reminds me of somethin'."

He leans closer, so close that your noses are almost touching, and opens his eyes wider to stare at you with such a strange intensity that you find yourself holding your breath. "Reminds me of somethin', the same way that I think mine must remind you of a certain somethin'. Am I right, Shuu-chan?"

The silver-haired exile says that in such a way that it sends a chill tripping its way up your spine. In his tone you hear some implicit threat, and he is looking at you with such a menacing intent, such cruelty in the sheen of his white teeth (as if his spittle is venom), that you know he's implying something dangerous.

"If you're gonna play with my somethin', Shuu-chan, don't ya think that I ought to play with yours? It ain't fair if you end up havin' more fun than me."

Eyes shooting wider, you open your mouth to utter a response, but what comes out instead of words is a strangled hiss when Ichimaru stabs Shinsou into your shoulder blade. He pierces you all the way to the hilt and extends the blade past your chest, while sealing his grinning mouth to yours and biting through your lip.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-07-10 07:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Did... did Gin just... tease Shuuhei about Kensei?! *O* I am such a cruel person to be enjoying this. >:D

Of course, I could be imagining, because who really knows what Gin does. And Shuuhei/Byakuya? Interesting. Very interesting indeed. Fufufufu~

Other than that, this is truely facinating. I love the way you write them. It's such a new way to see them and it intrigues me. As much as I think Shuuhei just needs hug.

Hmm. This comment is a bit lame, but the sheer awesome/interesting factor has taken over my brain. ♥

I'm sure I'll think of more to say later.

(And lol at the 271 listens. I do that all the time. xDD)

(no subject)

Date: 2010-07-10 08:30 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Yes, yes he did >D The entire thing was one big tease, because I developed the idea around the strange similarities between Kensei and Gin.

I hope that's a good interesting?! I've had the idea of Byakuya/Shuuhei from the very start with S&M, I just never got around to writing it until now.

I'm happy to get your comment at allllllll. I'm glad you liked this, thank you!!

(when I become obsessed with a song I'll listen to it nonstop for a few days. Then I'll get sick of it and I won't listen to it again for weeks :P)

(no subject)

Date: 2010-07-10 08:54 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Eeeexcellent. I really hoped I wasn't imagining it. I like my Gin being an evil, mindfucking bitch. >:D Yeah. On a basic physical level, Gin and Kensei could look simlar enough to eachother to ensure soe srs mindfuckery for Shuu. Fufufu~

Oh yeah. It's always good interesting. Because I like to see how characters people work, and you always go straight to the core of their psyche in your fics. It panders to my sick Anthropological whims. xD Byakuya and Shuuhei too, would have some interesting things to bond over, particularly the pressure of being a captain and sticking to the rules even if they don't want to.

Aaw. I always like to comment on your fics bb~ ♥.

(LOL. Yeah, me too! It's more fun that way. Because then you've fully appreciated the song and can re-discover it later.)

(no subject)

Date: 2010-07-10 08:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Oooooh, wow. That was great. I mean, Shuuhei sort of broke my heart into little pieces, but that's ok. That just means it was good. :p

I loved the bit about Gin opening his eyes, that was a fantastic piece of imagery. And I adored the Byakuya/Shuuhei, because I love that pairing and nobody ever seems to write it or mention it. The Shuu/Kensei and Gin/Bya undertones were also delicious.

It was interesting, because I usually see Shuuhei as more of a masochist than a sadist, but the way you wrote him here really worked for me. The combination of his need to hurt Gin and the simultaneous shame and guilt was great. There were ome really powerful images in there, and I am a total sucker for awesome imagery.

Now I am just filled with the overwhelming need to snuggle/look after Shuuhei. My poor Shuuhei.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-07-10 09:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Awwwww, I'm sorry that he broke your heart into pieces!

I'm glad that all the undertones were clear, though, and that you liked the Byakuya/Shuu! I love them too, but like you said it's a pairing that most people don't talk/write about :(

For me, Shuuhei is a different kind of sadist. He isn't really your typical sadist who genuinely enjoys hurting/humiliating other people. He's just tortured with these feelings of retribution. He's angry with Kensei, and deep down there's a part of him that wants to "get the guy back." But he can't really bring himself to take it out on Kensei himself, so he's chosen to take it out on the next best thing (Gin). And Gin (Kensei) is the only one that brings out that sadistic side of him. With pretty much anyone else Shuuhei is more of a masochist, yea. Lol.

I think that we'll eventually get to a point of calm in comfort in the series when it comes to Shuuhei. I want him to have his happy ending, too. I just like to go into darker waters with him because I think his character is suited to it. I can't really delve into this sort of thing with guys like Grimmjow or Akon because they're what I like to call "emotionally challenged" :P They don't really give the same fuck that Shuuhei does, y'know? He's more capable of tragedy to me because of his emotions.

ANYWHO enough yip yapping, I just wanted to better explain what's goin' on with Shuu-chan.

Thanks for commenting!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-07-10 10:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
It's ok, I'm used to it when it comes to Shuuhei. :p He's one of those characters who can wreak emotional havoc on me when written well (as he is here).

The Byakuya/Shuu was awesome. I love those two together. I really do wish they got more love. I'm sort of trying to write a follow up piece to the last thing I wrote with the beginnings of Bya/Shuu, but they're giving me trouble. :p Probably because it requires writing a more sexually aggressive Byakuya, when I usually write Byakuya as the more passive partner. /ramble

Yeah, I can see what you mean. It did really work, and I understood his anger and his pain - it was just interesting because I haven't thought about it quite like that before. I tend to focus more on his self loathing/what he does to himself, and less on the implications his hurt/rage/pent up emotion, so I loved this for making me think about it differently. ♥

That sounds lovely. Darkness is fine, as long as there is hope for a happy ending for my boy. LOL, yes, he is definitely the more emotionally tragic one. He always strikes me as one of those really genuinely good guys, who just has a lot of really bad stuff happen to him, the poor little muffin. But then, I'm the first to admit I see Shuuhei through very rose-tinted glasses. :p Can I haz Akon/Shuuhei from you one day plz.

Yip yapping is good, especially when it is about Shuuhei. xD

My pleasure! Thankyou for writing!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-07-10 10:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
heheheheh, I always enjoy your stories waaay too much, I think it's because you choose characters that almost never actually interact in the cannon, and then imagining them even TALKING makes me grin creepily wide (not as creepily wide as gin though, that'd just be inflicting self-pain)

I loved this sooo much man, and I now have more songs to add to my itunes, thanks!!
and you totally brightened my morning!! (even though I'm an aizen/gin supporter, but fuck that for now, this was fun man xD)

(no subject)

Date: 2010-07-10 09:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
That Ichigo icon is so cute!!

But I'm so glad you liked this :) I think that bringing characters together who don't know each other in the manga has become my shtick, haha. So it's good to know that you're enjoying it! Thank you!

I'm happy to be of musical service, too XD

(no subject)

Date: 2010-07-10 12:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Told you it would be wonderful! Great job. Loved Gin and Shuuhei to bits in here, and your imagery is simply disturbingly gorgeous!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-07-10 09:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I think I must've actually had a nightmare about this last night, lol. I woke up feeling uneasy and wondering why I'd posted the thing at all. I was nervous over how it'd be received, and I still kind of am.

But I'm glad that you liked it, thank you :)

(no subject)

Date: 2010-07-10 09:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
2nd person worked really, really well for this! And the part at the end? When Gin stabbed Shuuhei through the shoulder? Really, really sexy. I was so imaging what happened after that.

Truly, I love dark!Shuuhei. How you portrayed him here--how he loathes and yet desperately needs these encounters with Gin--is perfect. The part where Gin was like "What, no kiss?" made me laugh (and imagine Gin's reaction if Shuuhei actually had kissed him at that moment--I think the eyes would have opened wide at that).

Seriously, it was quite, quite nice. I love a somewhat slutty Shuuhei.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-07-11 11:01 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I blame the 2nd person on xglim. I'd never really understood exactly what 2nd person was until I saw her fics XD

But as for what happens after the stabbing, I can pretty much guarantee you a sequel (or more...) Maybe not soon, but eventually. This fic actually fits in with my Redemption 'verse. The scenario itself starts somewhere around... the end of S&M, I suppose, and this specific scene is after S&M ends and around the time that DoW starts. All of this is why I had that poll about POVs and Gin making an appearance, etc etc :P

I like a slutty Shuuhei too, if it's done a certain way :) But I think you'll be happy to know that writing this fic has inspired me to go down the KenShuu road. Now that I've officially set up background for Shuuhei and where his head/heart is at in all of this, I've the urge to explore where things will go with him and Kensei.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-07-11 12:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
YEah, Glim and Cairnsy (and a few others) are the only ones I've ever read who can pull off 2nd person. I just added you to that very, very short list. *g* I still won't touch 2nd person--but then again, you'll never see 1st person from me either.

I figured it was part of that 'verse. After all, Gin is one who needs redemption more than anyone else, right?

Shuuhei being a bit of a slut works so, so well if he's not portrayed as one to sleep around just because, or having him act like a gigolo. The darkness in his mind and heart--edgier than angst, not over the top though--make it believable that he's searching for an escape through the physical act of sex. The best part, especially on how you set this up, is that I get this whole Goldilocks and the Three Bears sense. This one is too rough, this one too gentle--and the only one that will be just right is a certain Vizard.

I am glad you decided to go down that road. And our previous discussions (on your poll) about how you see Shuuhei and Kensei as characters, really does set things up to take them down that road. Especially when you were talking about Shuuhei wanting to bloody Kensei. I can see their relationship (and not just sexual) as being very volatile. Not unhealthily so (well, not in the end), but Shuuhei's repressed nature almost demands it.

Anyhow, I look forward to seeing where you go next with the entire 'verse.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-07-10 02:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
What a gorgeous read. :) Second person, present tense can be a really annoying form, but you made it into something very intimate.

Your language in this one is stunning and was packed with visuals so strong I had to stop reading ever so often and lean back and just think of them for a while before continuing. :D

I think my favorite was Gin pinching his hair like that to make it look like Kensei's. That made me grin like an idiot. What a very, very Gin thing to do. Subtle and sick.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-07-10 09:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Ffffffff, so glad you liked it! And that you think I did second person justice. It was my first time using second person, actually, so it's good to know that it came off intimate.

The hair part was one of my favorites too XD I'd seen a picture of Gin with his shortened zanpakutou and it reminded me of Kensei's Tachikazze. So that's what inspired this entire Kensei/Gin parallel in Shuuhei's head.

Thanks for commenting! I appreciate it <3

(no subject)

Date: 2010-07-10 02:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

Maybe if his hair didn't look so silver beneath the lonely light of the moon, or if he didn't always shorten Shinsou knowingly before dragging the blade over your arm in a teasing caress... It drives you crazy that he knows; drives you crazy with embarrassment, agony, and painful curiosity. How does he know? How does he know that you've been to that warehouse, which stands like the ruined fortress of a lost age, of something long forgotten (which, in a sense, is exactly what it is)?


He wasn't there. I know why, I know why, but even now He. Still. Isn't. There.


"If you're gonna play with my somethin', Shuu-chan, don't ya think that I ought to play with yours? It ain't fair if you end up havin' more fun than me."


*iz ded*

(no subject)

Date: 2010-07-10 09:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]


(no subject)

Date: 2010-07-10 03:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
WOW! I really liked that! The way you described Gin was amazingly good. The part about his eyes opening was particularly striking (and apt in my opinion). Normally ultra unhealthy relationships and violent sex are squicks of mine but it works in this context. And I found that I didn't have as strong a reaction to it, in fact I couldn't stop reading! I also really liked the Byakuya/Shuuhei, there needs to be more of that out there. Great job, cookies and gold stars for you!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-07-12 05:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thank you!! I'm so glad that you enjoyed it :) Especially considering the fact that this type of fic isn't what you normally go for. Again, thank you! I really appreciate your comment :D

(no subject)

Date: 2010-07-10 09:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
PFFFT. I assure you, it was only ever annoying to one of us, and that one was not me. ;P Each version brought something new and intriguing to the table, and you KNOW how this one's left me salivating for more! And I approve of the title -- this thing wades through so much (good) swamp, with the way Shuuhei's emotions suck at the soles of his actions. He sticks and sinks in and then drags himself free, only to have to take another step, until he reaches the quicksand pit at the end. . . >:D

And thanks for the new NIN~ I'm in love with the instrumental of 'Another Version of the Truth'. ♥

(no subject)

Date: 2010-07-12 05:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
OH YOU~ Y'know, half the time you come up with descriptions of my work that are even better than the stories themselves XD Are you waiting for the day that he steps into the quicksand pit? I know I am >:]

It's always my pleasure to share NIN around the world. The growls in that particular version make me think of Kazeshini, or just Shuuhei's inner world in general. Haunted and spooky.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-07-10 10:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
You, need to stop turning me on to characters I originally disliked (or never really thought about like that before)! :P

I saw this posted and I was all like, "...but it's Gin...." and agonized over whether to read it or not, but your writing is so very tempting. The way you handle and weave imagery into the plot, and the intensity of the scenes, and how you handle the characterizations! Fuck!

The imagery comparing Ichimaru's eyes to scabs, and their opening being picking the wound fresh again. The intense hate/shame complex driving Shuuhei to the edge, and causing him to seek the traitor out in the first place, and the fact that it is he, and no one else that he can act this way with. The blood! God the blood! Always my favorite part, and the contrast you bring of it on their pale skin, and comparing ink on his paperwork to it, like the paperwork itself is a dark deed, merely something to keep Shuuhei from facing his shame and hurt.

Just wow! The way you handle these tense and dangerous relationships! And the end! That utter dread, and cool realization, the thick of his hatred run anew, and that manipulative sly dog having seized the moment to toy with him, and the very end, making you wonder whether Gin just killed him (or is in the process of). And the imagery of Shinsou pressing against his collar and when Ichimaru grabs his hair and pulls his head back, followed by that last comment...


(no subject)

Date: 2010-07-21 08:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
PHEW!!! For whatever reason, it's been taking me forever to get through all these comments!

But, I can't tell you how much I appreciate yours! I'm soooo glad that you read and enjoyed this fic, especially considering the fact that you don't even like Gin. That's a huge compliment, so thank you <3

Always my favorite part, and the contrast you bring of it on their pale skin, and comparing ink on his paperwork to it, like the paperwork itself is a dark deed, merely something to keep Shuuhei from facing his shame and hurt.
First of all, I'm happy to hear that you liked all the blood ;) But it's the second half to that sentence that makes me go WOW. It's good to know that you made that connection!

All in all your comment is just amazing, and you perceived everything that I was trying to accomplish with this fic.

Thank you so very, very much ♥

(no subject)

Date: 2010-07-22 03:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Lol, with the way you write Gin, and the fact I've been regretfully falling for him and Aizen, I won't be surprised if I might have to go find the Gin fan group too at some point.

Funny thing is, I love playing with their minions, but when it comes to those two, they're still so reviled in my mind for what they did to Soul Society and their arrancar. At the same time, it is that very nature that is slowly drawing my attention to the two of them.

Don't worry about when you get to replying to me at least. I am patient.

Pretty much everything I have read from you is pure gold. Especially those ones where you pry into the character's psyche. Mental fics, and fics that make you have to stop and think, are always such great fun to read.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-07-11 01:47 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
WOW. THANK YOU. i started reading because it was such an unusual pairing and was just amazed all the way through by the gorgeousness of it all, so very painful and beautifully descriptive and sexy though it wrings your soul.. lovely!!
and i'm not even sure if i have a crush on Gin now, since you've made him so utterly terrifying in this piece!!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-07-14 09:21 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thank you so much!! I'm really glad that you liked this :) Your words are a huge compliment and I really appreciate them ♥

and i'm not even sure if i have a crush on Gin now, since you've made him so utterly terrifying in this piece!!
Ahaha! I'm not sure if I should apologize or if I should be proud XD I for one, like Gin best when he's like this :)

(no subject)

Date: 2010-07-14 10:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
i adore Gin but I usually pair him up mentally with Aizen, in which situation he behaves himself a little better. i dont really like Shu that much so i was amused by Gin acting awful, cuz i'm sure he would if he could get away with it

(no subject)

Date: 2010-07-11 10:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Damn, you leave me speechless everytime you post a new fic!!
This was really, really layered and thought provoking and complex... and wow! I had to read it a few times to get all of it, and then again, I had to do it SLOWLY so i wouldn't miss what you were telling us!

I enjoyed this second person narrative. It gets us into Shuuhei's head and we feel how fucked up he really is. It's always destructive to chase a ghost; to try and substitute warm bodies for the warmth of a kindered spirit... and you've shown us well how Shuhei suffers for it.

The best part for me was the ending, where we see Gin provoking Shuuhei with his hair-- pulling on Shuuhei's hair... only then do you drop that bomb about the Gin/Bya connection. and you hear the veiled threat in Gin's voice regarding Kensei (or blatant threat, haha!)... and all of a sudden there's a lot more tension in the room. Oh god, then more violence and blood... and yeah... this was good! :D

(no subject)

Date: 2010-07-23 05:52 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Sorry for the delayyyy. But you know that I always greatly appreciate your comments!! Thank you! I'm so glad that you liked this :)

My first time with second person, and at first I was nervous but now I seem to have a hard time not writing in second person, lol.

The Gin/Bya connection XD It's all your fault. If you would've never mentioned the pairing and shown me those panels!!! Don't blame if I'm too consumed with my Gin/Bya to ever experiment with Bya/Ren :P But I hope that you caught the way Gin murmured Byakuya's name towards the beginning..?

But thanks, again!! ♥

(no subject)

Date: 2010-07-26 09:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
haha... a delay to your delay... isn't it crazy how fast these days are flying by?! WIERD.

Just wanted to drop by again to say that your Gin/Bya is one I really like... and I normally don't. It's usually pain and emptyness pushing Byakuya to bottom to Gin, but your take on it has Gin actually in love with Bya, and it's a nice change.
I like Gin's possessiveness here for Byakuya, too, where he really has no more physical power over anyone anymore; but with just his verbal threats and mocking of Shuuhei-- it becomes so clear that Gin is not totally out of the game, yet.
I also think it's really telling that although this fic is about Shuuhei, just that bit at the end with Gin really makes an impact (at least for me)... and it shows just how powerful a character Gin is.

(heehee... if more fab Bya/Gin come out of me linking you to a few manga panels... THAT'S TOTALLY A-OK... i'll sniff quietly in the corner to my lost potential Bya/Ren fic friend... *cries*) :P

((yes!.... 'ku-chan'--'shuu-chan'.... :D you actually have me feeling sorry for GIn... how does that happen??)

(no subject)

Date: 2010-07-12 01:00 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Second person, hmmm, missy? All I can really say is this was awesome. I clicked thinking "yay, blood_crow!" and then I started to read and I thought WHAT IS THIS I--*NOM*

You've captured everything I find creepy about Gin Ichimaru and put it down here in words, and I went through every bit of Shuuhei's emotional hurricane with him (and I'm sure you can imagine I love emotional hurricanes). Tortured sadomasochistic Shuuhei is pretty much the interpretation of his character that I find hot. Or maybe I'm tricked into thinking this because of your writing... <3 Either way this was just beautiful in a way that might give me nightmares tonight XD

Thank you for this.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-07-21 08:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Late response is very late. But yes, second person >> It was my first time writing from such a perspective!! It seems that I lost my virginity ;D

I love Gin in all his creepiness. I never used to pay attention to him, but lately the bastard has stolen my heart ♥ And I just can't think of Shuuhei any other way. For me, he's just so suited for the sadomasochist scene. He SCREAMS masochist to me (and sadist, too ;)).

As always, I'm happy to get a comment from you! For me it's very gratifying to lure a RenIchi fan into darker, more mysterious waters XD

So thank you <3

(no subject)

Date: 2010-07-19 10:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Oh, dude, dude, DUDE! This is awesome <3
And not only the storyline, but your writing style, it blew me away:)

(no subject)

Date: 2010-07-21 08:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Awwww, thank you so much! I really appreciate it, and I'm so glad that you enjoyed the fic.

Thank you ♥

(no subject)

Date: 2010-07-23 03:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I have to tell you...posting a 'soundtrack' with this was an awesome idea. Reading and listening to the music you intended to go with the fic or were inspired by while writing was an intense experience. It really put me in the space where your mind was; like really haunting insight. It also shed light on the complexity and twistedness of gin and shuuhei's relations. I particularly love the first on your list 'werewolf'. Listened to it like 10 times already.

I love when things stir my heart in this way; it really appeals to the sick, twisted, dark part of me that always wants to come out. It's super beautiful as well; like a delicate dance between perversion and sweet heartache.

I love the way gin plays and shuu hurts. It's dangerous and sexy...just what I love xoxo

(no subject)

Date: 2010-07-27 08:26 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Ah! I'm so glad that you enjoyed the soundtrack, and that it made the reading experience more intense for you :) That was definitely my intention when I decided to add the music I listened to while I wrote this. And I love that you love "Werewolf," because its eccentricity is my favorite.

Your comment is very much appreciated, because it sounds like I accomplished exactly what I was out to do :) That makes me insanely happy (yes to the dance between perversion and sweet heartache! that was the vibe I was going for), so thank you very much!


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